Pulling the WOLF Over Our Eyes

This article also appeared on Noisey/VICE

For whatever reason, I’ve never been able to connect with the whole Odd Future movement. Maybe it’s because I don’t skateboard, am not filled with angst, or have ever considered myself an artsy-fartsy social-outcast. But I feel that when we look back on the “good old days” of music in the year 2050, Odd Future‘s ‘Kitten Kounter Kulture’ of 2010 and beyond will serve as a focal-point of the music scene that would go on the be xeroxed by many in an attempt to create a similar “movement” (see: A$AP Copy). What Tyler and Co. did for music collectives in a post Wu-Tang world is analogous to the Drake-ushered mixtape-buzz-circuit that we thought was impossible post 50 Cent.

In my opinion, the Odd Future collective is slightly above average at best. The entire idea of a group of unruly teens moshing into the game and becoming an injection of youthful vigor into a rapidly aging rap-scene was a solution to an imaginary problem, especially when we look at the strength of current 30+ year old rappers like Danny Brown and Gunplay. Nothing Odd Future did, from pasting cats onto tie-dye shirts to the constant anagramming of “WolfGang”, struck me as being particularly creative or funny, in spite of the hordes of poorly-dressed teenagers screaming otherwise. Empirically, what regular Future did in the last few years with his sing-gurgles can be considered much more “Odd” than the group of skater-kids trying to collectively sound like their favorite rappers while drawing dicks on everything.

While it’s true that media darling/Avenger of Chris Brown, Frank Ocean and underground darling/Brosef of Mac Miller, Earl the Sweatshirt were birthed from the murky swamp of Odd Future, front-man Tyler the Creator is the recipient of much of the group’s critical praise due to his lack of filter and knack for re-purposing Pharrell Phormulas in 2013. But just because Kanye West takes time out of his busy schedule of Keeping up with the Kardashians to update his website with Tyler’s creepy video doesn’t mean we should all follow suit and fall at his feet. I mean, how much does a Kanye co-sign mean when he’s given similar merit to the likes of such talentless containers as Theopilus London and the womb of Kim Kardashian?

Tyler’s new album ‘Wolf’ plays off as an attempt at staying in the cultural cross-hairs and remaining relevant in an attempt to sell clothing and beats instead of actually pushing the envelope like he did upon his arrival into the music scene years ago. It feels more like an attempt at appeasing his core fans by constantly putting out music to a group of die-hards who don’t really care about the quality, similar to what the Insane Crown Possee does, albeit with less warrants for their arrest (both groups do however hold yearly carnivals). Even in the sparse interviews leading up to the release, Tyler stressed that his true passion lay not in rapping, but in producing music, creating ridiculous television shows, and scoring movies. If I wanted to listen to an 18 song commercial for a show on Adult Swim, I would listen to Ice Cube’s ‘King Of The Hill’ on loop.

Just because your rap-hero tells you to shrug off brand names in the hopes that you’d wear his kitty-cat shirts and tries his hardest to be weird for the sake of rejecting any label that’s attempted to be put onto him, doesn’t mean that he’s uncategorizable. So when Tyler raps with a heavy baritone in an MF Doom style cadence over top of Neptunes-style jazzy strings and horns, is the end product greater than the sum of its parts? Or does it just seem that way because those parts were never meant to be combined? Is being different the only qualifier needed to be considered good? If so, here are some reviews in Haiku format which are SUPER DIFFERENT!

Wolf
Over-thought intro
with confusing character
concepts. This is art?

Jamba
Self-aware punchlines
and scare-tales about drug use
with forgotten friend

Cowboy
Lukewarm offensive
lyrics about getting fame
and coping with it

Awkward
Teenage storybook
love tales built on fantasy
that girls like Tyler

Domo 23
Punchy horns, rigid
lyrics, recapping last year
and blasting boy-bands

Answer
Family issues
and overly personal
bars reach the children

Slater
More regaled tales of
yesteryear masked as likely
excuses for songs.

48
Nas wants relevance
but no more songs with Tyga.
Easy compromise.

Colossus
When you have fans that
like you, life is hard. But don’t
worry, they’ll grow up.

Party Isn’t Over/Campfire/Bimmer
Three songs squeezed into
the amount of time it takes
for one of JT‘s

IFHY
Conflicted love angst
featuring Tyler’s main love
interest, Pharrell

Pigs
Hits back at bullies
with the aide of some blaring
sirens. Cool song bro.

Parking Lot
Trill, angry nonsense.
Half-clever metaphors and
more words from lost friends.

Rusty
Mocking of the peers
over jazzy keys of life.
Who are these people?

Trashwang
Gunshots and trap sounds
to stunt and appeal to youths.
Who are these people?

Treehome 95
Airy chimes and horns
featuring the Magic Box.
Neo-Soul Asshole.

Tamale
A buzzing shit-storm
with over-yelled chorus and
some lukewarm insults

Lone
Therapy on wax
with psychoanalysis
on top of the blues.

How Feasible is Drake’s 5AM in Toronto?

The following article also appeared on Noisey/VICE

Do you know what kinds of great activities are available for you to indulge in when you live in Toronto and the clock strike 5 o’clock in the morning? Fucking none. The subway stops running at 12:30 AM and the bars stop serving liquor at 2 AM (2:15 if you’re in a cool club) so even if you manage to find a crooked Chinese restaurant that’s willing to serve you “cold tea”, which is just a teapot full of whatever alcoholic beverage the kind Asian man has available, you can really only stretch the party out to 3, 3:30 AM before everyone has to go home and sleep in preparation of the maple syrup harvest. However if you believe everything Drake has to say, 5 AM in Toronto is when the all the magic takes place! Also, believing everything Drake has to say means that your definition of a “viral video” is fulfilled whenever said video is NOT filmed on a tropical island resort and features zero skits with your childhood friends!

While 95% of the city of Toronto is in bed sleeping or preparing to wake in preparation of work, Drake hosts lavish beach volleyball parties where he invites needy cohorts, women of loose moral fiber and Toronto Raptors that could care less about tomorrow’s practice session. All attendees seem to play no actual beach volleyball, a feat that is surprisingly difficult to do under black light, and unsurprisingly devolves quickly into a twerking session in the sand. Also, I’m bothered by the fact that the only comfortable place to sit and receive lapdances is on patio furniture that looks like it was purchased from Canadian Tire circa 2007. However, since the mantra of Torontonians has been “As Drake does, so do we all” for about 3 years now, I wondered how hard it would be for me to rent out the exact same beach volleyball venue for my own music video. With so many questions on my mind, I decided the only way to get answers would be to call “Beach Blast Indoor Beach Volleyball” and talk to the owner, a kind Czechoslovakian man named George, and find out:

Slava P: I’m a huge Drake fan and I was wondering how much it would cost if wanted to replicate his latest music video and rent out your venue from say, midnight until six in the morning.
George: Well it all depends on what’s happening in the facility and what kind of preparations we’d need to make. If I need some extra staff to deal with issues like security or anything like that we’d be looking at extra. It also depends on if you’re just shooting a few scenes here or if you’re trying to make an entire story happen, like what Drake was trying to create. But if you’re justing bringing in a group of 50 people who are here to play volleyball and one guy is signing, it could be anywhere from $1,000 to $5,000 and the rest of the costs come from whatever extra things you’re doing and how it affects business.

SP: What did you think of the video when you saw it?
George: That’s a very difficult question. If I was in the music industry and I was out to make a lot of money then I would say I’m very impressed. But I’m in the volleyball business and I just have a huge facility with huge overhead, so I’m looking at it differently. As far as music videos go, I think it’s great but I’m not an expert. What did you have in mind for your video idea?

SP: The exact same type of video. Some girls, some partying, same overall vibe. Are you up on the world of hip-hop?
G: I’m not but my son is, he works in the entertainment industry and he’s been very involved in the scene for about ten years now. You can go online and see his website at glamourent.com

SP: Did Drake get a discount for putting the name of the venue at the end of the video?
G: No, because for me that doesn’t really do anything. He did that because he’s a friend of the family and because he’s a regular at Beach Blast himself.

SP: Do you have a favorite Drake song?
G: I do not. But I’m the kind of guy who looks at the scene and all of the people that I get to meet because of my son and if I see that there is a positive message being put out behind the music and it hopefully inspires people, I think that it is healthy for the city. I came from Czechoslovakia when I was 17 and I used to play volleyball there, which is why I opened this place up, and I know that music is a very colorful industry. So as long as people are enjoying the message and it’s healthy, I don’t care how the song sounds.

SP: Can I smoke at Beach Blast?
D: No, that was a special consideration for Drake. You cannot smoke here.

Haiku Reviews – I Am Not A Human Being 2

The following article also appeared on Passion of the Weiss

It seems that these days, the only thing people can agree upon when talking about Lil Wayne is the fact that he’s incredibly polarizing. Part of this lies in the fact that he’s an easy target for criticism with his absurd fashion choices, unexplainable passion for skateboarding, and his persistent release of music. And although his latest offering, I Am Not A Human Being 2, deals more with Dwayne’s love for pussy & prescription drugs than it does with the painful and violent tales of growing up in hard-knock Hollygrove that caused us to become transfixed with him during his Carter 3 campaign, a look past its moth-y veneer reveals a faint glimmer of the ingenuity that caused us to fall in love with Weezy the first time around.

Lil Wayne‘s exhausting run in 2007 saw him churn out oneingeniouspunchline after another, thus laying down a foundation of content that would go on to be pilfered and exhumed by every popular rapper in the last few years from Chief Keef to 2 Chainz. At the same time, Wayne’s experimentation with bad sing-rapping on songs like Prostitute and Pussy, Money, Weed served as a blueprint for new age goon-crooners like Future and French to refine and (arguably) improve upon it. Whenrumorsrang out last week about Lil Wayne potentially dying, both fanboys and detractors alike thought about a world without Wayne and felt varying degrees of sadness. However constrained Weezy’s thought process has become with his new-found lifestyle, the thought of losing someone as influential as him marks the end of an era. He may not be the new Tupac, but he was the first rapper to take us into space, the first to popularize hook-free club-bangers and he isdefinitelythe last, Lil Wayne.

IANAHB
Tickled ivories
with nonsensical boasting.
Drug intake seems off.

Curtains feat. Boo
Advertising a
lack of worries. Might this be
foreshadow for tape?

Days and Days feat. 2 Chainz
Drums tap and samples
ring, as the dread brothers meet
again to blabber

Gunwalk feat. Gudda Gudda
Threatening chants and
a forgotten goon member,
plus uncle Juicy.

No Worries feat. Detail
Guess who doesn’t care?
If you said the guy who had
two seizures, you’re right!

Back to You
Unique sample choice
makes for surprisingly
powerful love song.

Trigger Finger feat. Souljah Boy
Haunting strings and a
boring Souljah mix with
paranoid musings

Beat the Shit feat. Gunplay
A mash-up of trends
as the cocaine cannonball
raps over neu-trap

Rich As Fuck feat. 2 Chainz
Just cause you swapped the
verses doesn’t mean the song
got any better

Trippy feat. Juicy J
Once the body is
found, this song can be used
as the cause of death

Love Me feat. Drake, Future
You should think that two
hook-princes could come up with
something more clever

Romance
High-maintenance Weezy
recounts occupational
hazards he’s brought on

God Bless Amerika
Murky imagery,
overly political
content. Not too good.

Wowzers feat. Trina
A powerful ode
to genitalia, with
aide from Magic Box

Hello
A re-rebirth, while
not great, shows some improvement
(but wrong direction)

Lay It Down feat. Cory Gunz, Nicki Minaj
Out of place YM
members trip over themselves
to stay in pocket

Hot Revolver feat. Dre
A Green Day tribute
with added seizure reference.
Bad joke, good timing

Haiku Reviews – The 20/20 Experience

The following post also appeared on Passion of the Weiss

Pusher Love Girl
Melodious croons
about various vices
and chunky loving

Suit & Tie
Luxury, focus-
group rap. Done in a trendy,
catchy, falsetto

Don’t Hold The Wall
A call to dance with
Timbo making Timbo beats;
lazy songwriting

Strawberry Bubblegum
A romanticized
theme of vaginal-centric
metaphors, candy.

Tunnel Vision
A string crescendo
mixed with tired beat-boxing.
Three minutes too long

Spaceship Coupe
Unless it’s Pluto,
save your space analogies.
Sounds like ‘The Jetsons’

That Girl
Forcefully olde-school;
detailing the process of
stealing a daughter

Let The Groove Get In
Bollywood samples
transition into glam-pop.
Cross-tiered marketing!

Mirrors
Cantabile hums
about loving a mirror.
Wait a second, what?

Blue Ocean Floor
Uninteresting
whisper-arias about
being Frank Ocean

Body Count
Do you remember
Senorita? It’s sped up.
And there’s more rapping.

Dress On
Timberland rapping:
fortunately portioned to
Target customers.

Rich Kidd: Toronto’s Rap Diplomat

This article was also featured on Passion of the Weiss

When Jay Electronica released Exhibit C before falling off the face of the earth and feet-first into some royal British poontang, his message of hyper-intellectual chakra-rap went with him. Personally, what I missed most about him isn’t his metaphysical lyrical miracles, thanks in part to cats like Ab Soul and The Underachievers picking up the slack and rapping about crystals with healing properties or Mecca or whatever. No, what I missed most about the great void that Jay Electronica left behind was his booming and commanding voice, a voice that constantly managed to be both self-assured and one word away from a punchline at all times. That was until I heard Rich Kidd.

Although he had been putting out mixtapes continuously since 2007 with his ‘We On Some Rich Kidd Shit’ series, he didn’t earn his chops behind the microphone until early 2009. Before that, he had been instrumental to crafting the sound of the second wave of Toronto talent to hit the global market with his mixtapes acting as testing grounds for such acts as Nickelus F, Andreena Mill and yes, Prince Drizzy. His beats even managed to find their way into the hands of such hip-hop heavyweights as DMX, Busta Rhymes and Redman, all of whom looked to get their hands on Kidd’s booming sample-based instrumentals in the hopes of revitalizing their respective flailing careers.

Now, six years strong in the game and a live-performance staple of the Toronto music scene, Rich Kidd is working on releasing a salvo of new music that represents both the city he’s come from and the experience he’s amassed while working within all levels of it. Just last year, Rich Kidd achieved Canadian Rap Diplomat status by not only releasing a Juno nominated (don’t laugh) East meets West joint-project with Vanouverite Son Real, but also appearing on a collaborative project with Canada‘s original greatest export, Maestro Fresh Wes. That’s right, the ‘backbone slide’ guy.

Rich Kidd‘s latest music releases, ‘Syke’ and ‘Can I Get A Bom Bom‘ are both self-produced and pay tribute to the local slang that came from the islands and settled in the North. They’re from opposite sides of the spectrum: Syke is an energetic high-tempo track, while Bom Bom is a slowed down look at the goon-culture that has become prevalent in Toronto in recent years (thanks Roney). Both songs will be featured on Rich Kidd‘s ‘In My Opinion’ due out later this month, to be executive produced by Young Guru. Yes, that Young Guru. I guess the moral of the story is that when God closes one Electronica circuit, he opens another somewhere else.